“Perimenopause Isn’t Just a Hormonal Transition. It’s an Identity Transition”
Why women suddenly question relationships, careers, roles and the lives they built.
We know change is our only constant. But when that change is happening to you it can feel like the ground beneath you is suddenly shaky, unpredictable, and even unsafe at times. It feels as if overnight your hair is falling out, your skin and many other parts of you are drying up, you can’t focus and find those darn words to describe what you are looking for, and joy is a long lost feeling you can no longer access.
What can feel even more daunting than the physical changes, are the emotional changes. Your lens through which you have been seeing your world starts to change. You start to question your choices, your beliefs about who you are, the career you chose, and the identities and roles you have been keeping up with to gain the approval of the world around you.
And that can feel scary.
There’s grief, there’s resentment, there’s overwhelming anxiety, there is just so much, all the while doing life- taking care of the kids, the aging parents, and the career. I know it’s a lot. But I also know it’s a gift. It’s a forced reflection about who you want to be and could be. Not the version of you that was told how to behave and the decisions she needed to make to satisfy the worlds definition of success, but the version that is waiting to be reborn, to create, to dream, and to live according to her rules.
As your hormones begin to drop, so does your sense of self. The veil is dissolving allowing you to see what has been hiding beneath it all along.
Estrogen for so long gave you the ability to perform, plan, execute and take action, however what it wasn’t taking into account was that sometimes that performance and ability to get it all done was coming from a place of not enough, or a place where rest felt unsafe, or from a place where it helped you feel significant. But what estrogen did, was make those habits and beliefs bearable. This is the hormone that helps you feel alive, joyful, full of that zest for life. And as she leaves the scene so does that protection or maybe the illusion that we can do it all. In perimenopause this hormone goes on a wild ride along with your identity. The lack of motivation, desire and energy that comes with lower estrogen may look and feel like burnout because slowing down may feel foreign and yet it is exactly what your body and mind need to heal.
Progesterone on the other hand for so long has been your calm companion. The one that helped you pause a bit, and maybe even take a deep breath before reacting/responding to a stimulus of stress. Progesterone activates neurochemicals in your brain like GABA that help you sleep and stay regulated. When it declines so does your patience. Low progesterone can mean high anxiety. If for so long you have been the one others relied on to be their anchor and calm in their storm, a woman that has lived that identity will find it difficult to hold It all together or to be there for others when she is struggling to be there for herself and struggling with not feeling useful as she once was. As difficult as that can feel, it can also allow you to reassess and understand the why behind the identity you have worked so hard to keep. The change in progesterone changes your reactions and perceptions but it can also free you from the chains of your own expectations.
There are many changes that happen in a woman’s brain and nervous system that affect how she sees her life. And that is why I knew it was important to write Heal Your Hormones, Reclaim Yourself, to help women understand those changes so she can let go of the guilt and shame that creeps in when her identity is crumbling. You no longer have to feel alone or fearful of the changes that are inevitable but instead you can create space to understand them to make the choices you need that support your physical and emotional health.